Welcome back to school! I hope that you all had a wonderful summer and that you were able to “fill your cup.” This year, in an effort to bring more consistency to CA, we are implementing monthly themes that focus on important social-emotional skills that students need to do well both at school and in the world. These themes will guide our work in many ways, from our bulletin board displays to REACH celebrations, to classroom communities, to our wellness programming (more on that later), and much more. This month’s theme focuses on Connection and Collaboration, so that is what we will focus on in this newsletter as well!
Teachers always make a concerted effort to create vibrant and collaborative classrooms that foster authentic connections, especially in September. But how can we do that at home? How can we, as parents, create spaces that feel secure, safe, connected and collaborative? How can we be a team with our family members? While there are many ways in which we can do this, I want to share three key things we can begin doing (or doing more of) today.
Listen to Understand
This may seem easier said than done with busy schedules, multiple demands coming our way all the time, and the daily stressors of life. We may also be facing frustrating behaviours from our child or teen and feeling at a loss with what to do next. Nevertheless, we all know how important it is to check in with our kids, but we may need to be more deliberate in our approach.
Can you find 10 minutes each day (when your cup is not empty ideally) to ask your child(ren) how they are doing, how school is going, how they’re managing friendships and relationships, what’s going well, and what they may be finding challenging? This could be in the car on the way to and from school, during breakfast, at the dinner table, or at bedtime. Some of our teens may be resistant and even dismissive of our efforts, but we need to stick with it. Ask questions… and then listen. Listen to understand, not fix, advise, make better, remove barriers, or step in. Respond with validating comments such as, “I can see why that would hurt your feelings,” “that does sound hard,” “I understand why you’re angry,” “sounds like you are making some great connections,” etc.
One other note: Remember that all behaviour is communication, so we may also need to observe and understand. There are reasons why our children/teens behave the way they do, even if we can’t seem to pinpoint it. While it can be hard not to react emotionally in the moment, take a breath and see if you can determine what might be going on!
Spend time together (phone free)
Do things that your child/teen will enjoy. If you have more than one child, having special ‘date nights’ may be appreciated. If your schedules are full, maybe these are mini-dates, or maybe they are monthly game nights with all of the family members. My daughter and I love horror movies, so whenever there is a new one playing at the theatre, we find time for a movie night! Whatever we, as parents, can do to communicate that we enjoy being with our children will go a long way in making them feel valued, safe, and secure.
Provide Structure (at all ages)
Research tells us that children and youth thrive in environments that provide structure, consistency, routines, and clear expectations in addition to love. We need to let our kiddos know how proud we are of them while we support their development through appropriate and loving guidance. We also need to remember that our children learn by watching how we live our lives, interact with others, deal with stress and frustration, and manage our own emotions.
Additionally, for those of us who have teenagers, neuroscience tells us that adolescence is a remarkable time for growth and change in the brain. Dr. Dan Siegel tells us in his book Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain that adolescence is a time of intense emotions, increased desire for social connection, risk-seeking behaviours, and creative exploration.
Does that mean that parents just let their teens do whatever they please in this time of change? No! Teens need their parents to help them balance their need for risk and engagement with clear, fair, and reasonable boundaries, perhaps more than ever. Siegel calls it “structure with empowerment—lending support while supporting separation.” I sometimes call it “picking my battles.” My daughter is an amazing human… and can be an incredibly messy one!
There are some things I let slide, despite the frustration it causes (dirty dishes and shoes left literally everywhere) and some things I won’t let slide (curfew and disrespect). I could quote so much of this book, but I will leave it at this: we need to create “the secure base that enables us as families to turn the changes and challenges of the adolescent into strengths we will draw on together as we navigate this journey that is our life.”
I encourage you to check out this book as well as this excellent fact sheet on Parenting Challenges.
Wellness Updates
There are many exciting things happening this year in terms of wellness initiatives. The MindUp program will be continuing for Grades K–8 and will now be added to all Grade 9 homerooms. Open Parachute, while an excellent mental health program, didn’t quite meet the needs of our learners or teachers, so we are revamping what programming looks like in Grades 10–12. Borrowing from a variety of resources (including MindUp, Open Parachute, Positive Psychology, CBT, DBT, SFBT, etc.), we are creating our own wellness lessons that align with our monthly themes and the needs of our learners. If you have questions about MindUp, please reach out to Dylan Dean at ddean@calgaryacademy.com. If you have questions about wellness programming in Grades 10–12, please contact me at sbraun@calgaryacdemy.com.
Counseling Services & Support
We continue to have a counsellor supporting the needs of our learners in K–8. If you want to have your child connect with her, please reach out to jduffield@calgaryacademy.com.
I am here to support the needs of our Grades 9–12 students. If you want your child to connect with me, please reach out to sbraun@calgaryacademy.com.
Lastly, if you have any questions or concerns regarding your child’s learning journey, you can also reach out to our Director of Learning, Erin Ellis, at eellis@calgaryacademy.com.
Serena Braun
Registered Psychologist